(Not So) Social Media

I am currently trying to raise funds so that my sister and I can  make a movie we have been working on together for years. So we started an indiegogo campaign, and are working on starting a few more campaigns as well. Now, I knew that we weren’t to get our goal overnight, but I am really starting to get pissed that we have raised practically nothing because our so called “friends” keep scrolling past the links and ignoring our pleas for help. But I’m not surprised. It is so much easier to ignore something on a social media site than to ignore it when it presented before you in reality. I am so fucking sick and tired of trying to use social media to reach out to our peers and getting absolutely NOTHING back in return. I support all of my friends’ endeavors, but I am starting to realize that it doesn’t matter how hard you try to accomplish something, you always have to rely on unreliable people and therefore will always get fucked over. I have used my twitter, my facebook, my imgur, my linkedin, and now I am here bitching about it. It just goes to show that no matter what, if you are not posting nude pics or sucking on a cock or blasting a celebrity no one is going to care about you in social media. In a world where being told what to do is much easier than taking initiative and figuring things out, it is increasingly apparent that the next generation wants nothing to do with creative projects or art, they just want notoriety and fame and fuck everybody else. I hate seeing people succeed when they have not a single creative pulse in their veins, and the real talented artists have to struggle for the rest of their lives. The public as a whole has been brainwashed and only buys into what’s popular, as it has been for decades, but it is becoming increasingly narrowed to the point where being stupid is cool, or being gay is the thing to do because everyone else is doing it (never mind the fact that this not a choice, it is how people live). Thinking for ourselves has become an ancient practice and I am saddened and terrified at the idea of having to watch the next generation take over and destroy everything we ever held sacred. Congratulations guys; we are royally fucked and nobody gives a shit enough to do anything about it.

P.S. Not that it matters, but if you want to contribute here’s the link: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/side-with-me


Potato Salad and the Decline of Western Civilization

For those of you that don’t know, there is an individual named Zach Brown who posted a campaign on Kickstarter to make “the world’s greatest potato salad” and set a modest goal of only $10 for his ingredients.

Now, for some reason, this idiot (or genius; I’m not quite sure yet) has managed to raise over $50,000 in funds and is racking up a slew of appearances on talk shows and blogs alike. Now I ask you, why is this? The answer: stupidity.

CNET found this campaign and thought it was cute or funny or whatever and decided to do a news story about it, thus ensuring the donation of thousands by people with single digit IQ’s. It’s like the time some hen on some morning talk show read the ebook ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ and couldn’t stop cackling about it on TV and that is why we now have a new generation of erotic novels sweeping every bookstore and TV screen. That book is one of the worst things I have ever read and it is only the first of a trilogy. But it just goes to show that anything, literally anything can be turned into a fad, as I’m sure Mr. Brown’s campaign will begin to lose momentum in a few short weeks. It saddens me that instead of donating to charity or an actual Kickstarter campaign, these people chose to hand over their hard earned money to a guy whose highest aspirations consisted of making a side dish that generally only makes an appearance at barbeques or family reunions. The mere fact that I am even writing about it angers me because I am just giving him more publicity, but I feel that these words had to be said.

Now, I am aware of that fact that he will be taxed horrendously for that amount of scratch and that he has pledged to donate the money he receives, but according to Kickstarter’s policies he can legally do whatever the hell he wants with that money. What if he chooses to fore-go his making of the potato salad and just travel around the world? What if just buys a bunch of drugs and alcohol and deposits your donation right into the toilet? I find it fascinating that so many people would be so enthralled by this idea and it’s kitchiness that they would actually fork over cold, hard cash to someone who, for all we know, could be living in his mom’s basement and spending the majority of his time writing angry letters to George Martin.

So, I ask you, what’s next? Help me raise money for a boob job? Fund my project to travel to every massage parlor on the planet? I would not be one bit surprised if these or any other outlandish, self serving ideas make their way onto Kickstarter’s page, as it has already been flooded with people hoping to capitalize on the idea of raising money to complete an unnecessary food challenge. I am not generally fond of the way our culture is evolving as it becomes more and more watered down by repetition and hidden agendas, and this stupid campaign just put the nail in the proverbial coffin that holds the last remnants of our integrity and dignity. All I can say is that I hope we as a society will learn some sort of lesson from this; unfortunately being optimistic is definitely not one of my strong suits.





28 Years Old and Stuck in a Rut

Recently I have been going through a lot of issues with family members and friends alike, and now that I have a moment to reflect I realize that I am simply stuck in a rut.

I no longer want to spend time with my friends, I hate knowing that the people in my extended family don’t give a shit about me or my feelings, and sometimes I get angry at my own husband for unexplainable reasons, which makes me upset because when it comes down to it, he is the only person who genuinely cares about my feelings. I am beginning to resent my job and everything that it entails. I have been working behind a fucking register for going on 13 years now, and I have absolutely nothing to show for it. My parents were poor, working class people and never gave a second thought to future of their children, but that is no excuse. I could’ve gone to college if I wanted, I could even go now, but I find it to be useless; a waste of time and an exorbitant amount of money. In my retail job, there are at least five people who have degrees, yet they are doing the exact same job that I do every day, and I am nothing more than a high school graduate. My dreams of being a writer burn out slowly every day, and it is so disheartening I just want to cry. But I don’t. I am a real person with a real life and I can’t just lay down and die. I can certainly give up, but what good would that do? I’m not a Kardashian or a Hilton; I can’t just ask Mommy and Daddy to fund my dreams of being a Hollywood socialite and then marry a mediocre rapper to support my habits. I am a real, intelligent woman who knows that if I want anything in this world, I have to go out and fucking get it. Regardless of my looks or attributes I have to rely on my own will and fortitude to get where I want to be in life. The only problem is, I have to rely on other people to help me get there, and in my experience, that’s never a good thing. Most people don’t want to help others in an effort to help themselves, and that to me is what makes this whole idea of being a successful writer completely bunk.

So I have decided to get myself out of this rut, go back to writing every day instead of feeling sorry for myself, and if nothing comes of it at least I can say I tried. I know the definition of perseverance and I have nothing to lose at this point, so fuck it, I’m going to put myself out there in every possible way I know how and hope that positive things come back to me in full force.

Why I didn’t hate last week’s episode of The Walking Dead, entitled “Still”

First off, I should begin by saying that this post contains a lot of spoilers, so if you haven’t caught up on the latest episodes, you may want to stop reading now.

Now, I did not get a chance to catch the episode Sunday night, but I recorded it and watched it Monday night. That morning, I was on Facebook and noticed a few of my friends and fellow fans were complaining, angrily, that the episode had fallen far short of their expectations. Although this news disappointed me, I am a loyal fan and of course was not going to miss a single episode, regardless. After watching it, I can safely say that it is one of the best, well written episodes of the series, and I’ll tell you why.

This is the first episode of the series to feature ( and focus on) only two characters, Daryl and Beth. The writers and producers made a bold decision by doing this, but in my opinion it definitely paid off. This is also the first episode to prominently feature the use of a middle finger as a means to insult or offend, and it isn’t blurred or censored in any way. Several minutes into the episode Daryl and Beth are feasting on a snake that Daryl had killed and skinned when Beth remarks that she needs a drink, not of water but a real stiff drink. Being the daughter of an alcoholic turned good christian farmer/vet she was never allowed to partake. and desperately wants to try before she continues. Daryl begrudgingly obliges her, and so begins their journey of not only self discovery, but also a really great opportunity for the characters to exercise their true emotions and intentions. I like this episode very much because not only do we learn quite a bit about Daryl’s background and what he was doing before the apocalypse, but you are shown the juxtaposition of these two characters and just how very different they truly are, even though they have been forced to exist alongside one another for so long. My favorite scene occurs when Daryl and Beth are playing “Never have I ever,” and Daryl, sufficiently intoxicated, feels as if Beth is needling him, to get him to admit that he is a criminal and cannot help but do bad things. He gets pissed, and this is also poignant as we haven’t really seen Daryl explode since season one when he found out the group had left his brother for dead. Daryl is frustrated because even though he had risked his life numerous times to protect all of these people he is still seen a certain, regardless of his actions. We learn that Daryl is quite a mean drunk. and is ultimately sick of being responsible for any other life than his own. We also see that while Beth is determined to prove herself as a survivor, she is still represents a spark of hope and innocence that the group tries to hold on to.

Personally, I believe that the reason so many people were disappointed with this episode was not only did they have to pay attention to the dialogue, but the action was pretty much non-existent. As a writer and an observer I am more inclined to pay attention anyway, but I can definitely say that this is most saddening, to think that while fans sing the praises of this show they don’t want poignant moments of human interaction in a world where humans are the minority, no, they just want lots of blood and violence. To say that an episode sucks simply because you had to think about  what was going on instead of just mindlessly absorbing the actions is a huge commentary on our society as a whole. To think that moments of pure solidarity and retrospect would actually make you so upset, angry even, enough to denounce the series is maddening to me. We are told so much in this day what to think and how to feel that we can no longer form valid opinions of our own other than to say ‘ that sucks.’ How can we recognize when we are seeing or feeling something that alters our true perceptions of each other if we don’t even try? I find that as technology takes over, intimacy of communication falls by the wayside and we are left to wonder: Do I truly feel this way? Can I ever feel differently? Do I even want to?

It is glaringly obvious that the human condition is becoming so stoic and full of toxins that we can no longer even use the word ‘condition’ to describe it, as it has mutated into a full blown disease of the mind, body, and soul. It is our spirit that makes us who we are, and without the inspiration and motivation that comes from just thinking differently about the world around us we can no longer be passionate about the true nature of our lives, and we can never fully discover ourselves and who we were truly meant to be.


Hey guys, sorry I have been gone so long, but unfortunately I had a family emergency to tend to out of state and had very little time to plan for it. But my family member is doing fine and I just wanted to get back on here and pour out my excitement! I have been working on a short film with my sister; she lives in Florida and is a very successful videographer and director. About a year ago she approached me with an idea for a movie and I collaborated with her and another producer and wrote a 31 page script for her. She loved, the producer loved it, and now we actually have actors that are auditioning for roles. I am so humbled to hear these people audition using the words that I wrote, but my joy of being dubbed an official screenwriter is overwhelming. This is such a confidence boost for me, especially considering I am entering a TV pilot that I wrote on my own into a contest next week. I am so thankful for the opportunity that my sister is giving me, and even though I don’t to count any eggs before they’ve hatched I can’t help but feel that things might be looking up for me this year. I’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain, so here we go!

So I’m messing around on Facebook, trying not to procrastinate but doing it nonetheless, and I discover that a family member of mine has ‘unfriended’ me. I know that it wasn’t my family member but their spouse who did it, and to be honest, although my first reaction was anger, my second reaction was to not give a shit. To think that someone took the time to log on to their spouse’s fb page and unfriend people that they don’t like is fucking laughable. I mean, come on. What in the world is that going to accomplish? It makes me so laugh so hard to think that some people truly believe that their only recourse to find out what’s going on is someone else’s life is to stalk their facebook. What about picking up the phone and calling that person? Would you, as the spouse, go to such great lengths as to cut off all contact and not allow me to communicate with person? I am almost 30 years old. I seriously have zero tolerance for people who are not only passive aggressive but have so many flaws of their own that they can barely hold their own marriage together. I have my own problems just like everyone else and I don’t think that trying to draw me into your bullshit is going to do anyone any good. Normally I would snap to anger and see red and react badly and it would end very poorly, but, instead of doing that ( like calling my family member and berating them for being such a pussy), I wrote this blog post instead. I am going to calm down and then ask my family member like an adult why they allow their spouse to do stupid things like that and hopefully I can just let them know that it’s incredibly silly and to just keep me out of their bullshit. I find that as I get older letting my anger get the best of me really just makes me tired, and I just don’t have the energy to worry about petty, high school caliber drama cluttering my life.

I don’t want to be that guy, but…

Sometimes I think about how different my life would be had I decided to stand up for myself when I was 15. I won’t go into to a lot of detail, but basically I was in a very bad relationship, my father interfered, and i moved from my home state to Michigan. Now this was not a negative occurrence; I got my life back on track, met by husband, and am doing a lot better that I would be, I’m sure of that. But recently I have been dealing with some personal issues and I have been holding my tongue for a very long time about it, and now I am wondering if this is a good thing or not. Honesty is something that comes fairly easy to me, and I understand that while the truth sometimes hurts it’s best to get it out there and deal with the consequences rather than to keep it to yourself and let it explode all over someone at a very inconvenient time. If I had just been honest when I was fifteen I wouldn’t have been in a such a horrible relationship and shuttled off to another parent in another state. Now, my keeping my trap shut was good in one aspect, but it also damaged my relationship with my father for years after that because I was too afraid to be honest with him, and vice versa. And now I am watching my friends and family suffer because there are too many of us that are afraid to be honest with each other. It has always been important for me to know where someone stands when it comes to loyalty and compassion, and I find myself being surrounded (most recently) by a lot of toxic people and I just know that if I (and they) were more honest things wouldn’t be so difficult in our lives. So I am making a small resolution to myself to try and be more honest, and just hope for the best when I make my efforts.

Music as a Cure

I have been on medical leave from work for a few weeks now, and the cabin fever/depression is starting to set in. Yesterday I went out for the first time in days and popped the new NIN CD into my radio. Nine Inch Nails is my favorite band of all time, and the new album seems to be tailored to the events of my life right now. The fourth track is a song called “Find My Way,” and is essentially a prayer asking for guidance during the journey to discover one’s self. The ninth track, “Various Methods of Escape,” is a promise to one’s self to let go of the past and embrace the future, regardless of the obstacles along the way. As I drove and listened to the album I found myself slowly coming out of my funk, and by the end I was smiling and singing along to the lyrics. Even though NIN is not a traditionally “happy” band I am not your typical happy person, so their music, while angsty at times, hits home for me in a lot of ways. The lyrics and the moods of each album can be representative of certain points of my life, and to me there is no better soundtrack for your existence than the music that truly moves you, that truly makes you think and feel and act a certain way. I wanted to write this as a reminder not to only to myself, but to all of my readers that music is essential to our lives, and without it we may never know ourselves the way we truly want to. Whether we are listening to someone else’s words or our own, it is so crucial to keep playing and listening and writing and making sure that the beautiful sounds of our existence never disappear.


Does it really pay to be a good person?

Lately I have been thinking a lot about karma, and whether or not being a good or bad person truly affects your life in any way. For me, it feels like no matter what I do, how nice and supportive I am, I still always get the short end of the stick. I am not speaking about the fact that I have a wonderful husband, a roof over my head and warm food in my belly. I am truly grateful for those things everyday. I am speaking about karmic retribution; as in, if I hurt someone mentally or physically, will I experience that same pain at some point in my life as karma’s way of seeking revenge? I have spent most of my life living by a standard moral code: I don’t steal, I don’t abuse animals, and I try to treat others with the same common decency I would like to receive. However, events in my life over the past few years have led me to believe that maybe this whole karma thing is bullshit, that maybe you can’t change what is going to happen next in your life no matter what, and any karmic retribution should be seen as purely coincidental. There is one particular person in my life that always brings me back to this conclusion. This person is every realization of the word despicable, I mean truly. This person has no regard for the wants and needs of others around them, and treats everyone as if they were their lesser, even though this particular person is barely into their twenties. Yet I see this person come out on top at every turn, either because of some family member who feels obligated to help them, or their brainwashed spouse spends all of their hard earned money just to make this person, this asshole, happy. I am not a praying woman, as I truly have no religion to call my own, but if I could wish the worse on this person I would. But that little thought keeps nagging in the back of my head: what if they do suffer? What of your karma then? And even though I am filled with hatred for this person I don’t do it. It may seem selfish of me to want this person to be goaded with misery for the rest of their life, I know, but at the same time I fully believe that it is okay to be a little selfish sometimes, especially when all of the people you surround yourself with would try and take away what you think is best for you. But I digress. My point is that even though you can and maybe should believe in the idea of what goes around comes around, don’t put all of your stock in it. Because sometimes, it really doesn’t matter what kind of dickhead you are, if you step on enough people and surround yourself with enough negativity maybe karma won’t have the energy to break through and will just slip on past you, taking the consequences of life with it.

Pussies and the after effects of pussification

I live in a state where it snows. A lot. And recently I discovered that said state is fucking filled with pussies. That’s right, pussies. Cowards. People who lack testicles. Who lack any kind of self motivating courage; we are raising a society of victims by perpetrating the belief that you should never raise your voice and never think differently and if a bully comes at you don’t stand up for yourself, no, just go crying to Mommy or your teacher and they will make everything okay. Well I am here to refute this belief.  My father always told me ‘don’t ever start a fight, but you damn well finish it.’ My father never laid a hand on me either, so don’t go straight to that conclusion. He simply didn’t want me to be swallowed whole by the gaping maw of society and wanted me to be able to protect myself should it ever happen. Now, if you asked one of my friends to describe me, anger would definitely be a word that popped up, but I am of the mind that it is perfectly okay to get angry (shocking I know), to be pissed off, to see red, and so on. It is human nature to experience this emotion, and I am sick and fucking tired of the people who would suppress it and slip on their rose colored glasses and walk through life as if all were just hunky dory. Those people are the ones who make things so infuriatingly difficult for people like me who know without a shadow of a doubt that you need a thick skin to get through this thing we call life, and if yours is too thin then get the fuck off the path and make room for the ones who have the balls to endure. I am so sick of being surrounded by people who let fear control their lives. I have a family member stuck in a loveless sham of a marriage because of fear. I get stuck behind some douchewad doing 50 on the highway because of fear. I let people talk me into doing tamer activities because of fear. I am here to tell you now, you gotta let go of the fear. Because if you don’t,  you’re gonna be one more pussy to get forced off of the road to life, a real life,  a life well lived and worth remembering.